Would you dump your girlfriend if....

A couple weeks ago there was some gossip going around about a coworker--let's call him Jack. Apparently Jack is in the midst of leaving his long time girlfriend "Jill". By all accounts Jack and Jill were madly in love. They'd been together 3 years and were even talking about getting married. So what happened?



The story goes that Jill's friend "Sarah" was going through a bad breakup. Jill decides to have a girl's night in Sarah's apartment. They get a little drunk, they kiss, and things go from there. And by "go from there", I mean they had hot lesbian sex. The very next day Jill tells Jack what happens. He breaks up with her.



During this little gossip session one of our coworkers mentions that he wouldn't dump his girlfriend if she cheated on him with another girl. Some agree, some disagree. 



Personally, I don't think I'd dump my girl over this either. If it was another dude, I'd walk out in second. But a girl...? I don't think I'd be that upset over it. My wife has some pretty attractive friends and I think I'd be okay if they fooled around  



What do you guys think? Would you leave your significant other if she cheated on you with a girl?
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Comments

  • I find it interesting that you would be fine with it if she fooled around with ATTRACTIVE friends. What if she fooled around with a fat ugly broad?
  • Originally posted by: WashYourFace



    I find it interesting that you would be fine with it if she fooled around with ATTRACTIVE friends. What if she fooled around with a fat ugly broad?

     I was joking about that. I meant to add a little winky face there.  I am a fat ugly dude so I think I'd be OK with that too!

     
  • I feel cheating is cheating. It's still behavior that puts a person at risk for STDs, and is being unfaithful.



    It's one thing if a partner consents to their SO being involved with someone else, but that's a whole other discussion. :-p
  • Totally unacceptable. When I'm in a long term meaningful relationship with someone and they have an intensely intimate physical moment with someone else, I'm done. Guy, girl, makes no difference. Those feelings should be reserved for your partner and your partner alone, to me that's what makes a relationship special. Drunk is never a good excuse, and it's not like she sat me down and had a long thoughtful convo about wanting to experiment, she just did it on a whim. What happens when one of her close guy friends has a bad breakup? She can offer her friend any support she would need aside from sexual and that would be fine. But to have sex with another person like that, that would cheapen whatever we had built. I would never trust her with that person, and if I tried to just "deal" with it it would end up just eating away at me until it came to a head. That situation just reeks of terrible resentment. Just my opinion.
  • This is a tricky situation.

    Personally, I am a broken woman who doesn't believe in love, romance and all that bloody, awful mushy stuff.

    So, if I am involved with someone and they decide to fool around with someone else of the same gender or the opposite, great! It is one night I won't have to open my legs or make skilled use of my fingers. All the better.

    It is just sex. It is not like it means anything.

    If they tell me they did it, great. If not, great as well.
  • Yes, absolutely.
  • Its still cheating, even if it's with another gender.
  • Instant breakup. If she does that with a chick over a few drinks, what's to say that wouldn't happen with a guy, or even another girl in the future? Trust is gone after that. I would wager those that say they wouldn't breakup with them would probably think differently if they were in that position.
  • Doesn't matter the gender. Cheating is cheating. If it's not okay for men to do that to women, why would it be okay the other way around?
  • Originally posted by: dra600n

    Instant breakup. If she does that with a chick over a few drinks, what's to say that wouldn't happen with a guy, or even another girl in the future? Trust is gone after that. I would wager those that say they wouldn't breakup with them would probably think differently if they were in that position.


    +1
  • OK, I am going to probably be more honest right now than I should. When I was with my ex husband, we had a very open relationship for some time. There was in fact another woman involved for a bit. It was a mutual *friend* that we both enjoyed her company. It was fun while it lasted, but once the interest wasn't there anymore for him in being ....friends....with someone else, it stopped for both of us. I never felt like it was cheating on either of our parts. Now, if anything would have happened other than what we agreed on mutually....yes...I am sure we would have both had a problem with that. As for THIS scenario ....yes...I think that has crossed the line.

    And before anyone asks if it has any reason why he is my ex husband...the answer is no...not in the slightest.
  • The more I think about this, the worse I feel for Jack. Madly in love, 3 year relationship, talk of marriage. Girlfriend uses sex to bandaid other friends bad-breakup emotional wounds? Yeah, cuz that'll TOTALLY fix everything.:::::sarcasm::::: I'm sure her friends not thinking about her bad breakup at all now...:::::more sarcasm::::: this didn't make things weird for everyone involved at all...
  • Originally posted by: dra600n



    Instant breakup. If she does that with a chick over a few drinks, what's to say that wouldn't happen with a guy, or even another girl in the future? Trust is gone after that. I would wager those that say they wouldn't breakup with them would probably think differently if they were in that position.



    Been there a few times, didn't care.

    But again, I just don't form romantic bonds with other people, so eh. My case is definitely not basis for anything here.

     
  • Originally posted by: BouncekDeLemos

    Doesn't matter the gender. Cheating is cheating. If it's not okay for men to do that to women, why would it be okay the other way around?

    I definitely thought that too. Like, if "Jill" found out "Jack" was comforting one of his bros after their breakup, drinks then lead to cheating, and Jill has to decide whether she's fine with it or not, maybe based on the attractiveness of Jack's friend? Could come across like a double standard to some.

  • Originally posted by: dra600n



    Instant breakup. If she does that with a chick over a few drinks, what's to say that wouldn't happen with a guy, or even another girl in the future? 

    This is a really good point I hadn't considered. Still though I don't think it's a deal breaker. I'm not saying I'd condone the act, but I wouldn't leave her.



    Maybe it's because we've been together so long. We've got a lot invested in this relationship. 



    Like I said, cheating with another guy is unforgivable. A girl though....we could come back from that.











     
  • I just figured everyone is going to cheat sometime. I tell em just make sure I don't find out about it and use protection. So, if I were this guy and I found out about it, I'd drop her. That's just sloppy play on her part. I don't want a bad player on my team.
  • Originally posted by: attakid101

    Originally posted by: dra600n



    Instant breakup. If she does that with a chick over a few drinks, what's to say that wouldn't happen with a guy, or even another girl in the future? 

    This is a really good point I hadn't considered. Still though I don't think it's a deal breaker. I'm not saying I'd condone the act, but I wouldn't leave her.



    Maybe it's because we've been together so long. We've got a lot invested in this relationship. 



    Like I said, cheating with another guy is unforgivable. A girl though....we could come back from that.











     




    I'm not one for double standards, but once trust is broken, it's difficult to come back from it. Having invested a lot into a relationship would seem worse, IMO, since you should know your SO inside and out. If something that deceitful can be done because of a few sniffles, and something that was 100% avoidable, I would have a difficult time believing she would remain faithful going forward (as well as believing much of anything she said after).
  • Originally posted by: Bea_Iank

    Originally posted by: dra600n



    Instant breakup. If she does that with a chick over a few drinks, what's to say that wouldn't happen with a guy, or even another girl in the future? Trust is gone after that. I would wager those that say they wouldn't breakup with them would probably think differently if they were in that position.



    Been there a few times, didn't care.

    But again, I just don't form romantic bonds with other people, so eh. My case is definitely not basis for anything here.

     




    Totally understand where you're coming from, but you're also not the settle down / relationship type  
  • To me, it's all about deception. The difference in genders is irrelevant to me, the intent of the cheatful interaction is what matters. I reckon people are more okay if it's a lesbian thing because it's seen to be a more casual, spontaneous, experimental thing, and isn't backed by true love. But that's not necessarily true, and the same could be said for heterosexual encounters. It's hard to escape biology; we have those feelings of betrayal and contempt for a reason. But in either case, I think being honest about what happened, feelings before and after, etc, is a good thing - and that it's far more devastating to hide something like that and leave your partner in the dark for years. What would I do? It depends on the circumstances.
  • I would be out on it. Its not what I am looking for in someone, at least by my standards. I dont need to worry about a girl who would cheat on me with another girl...if she does it with a girl, why wouldn't she do the same with a guy. Im also way past the college stage where I think someone I love having lesbian sex would be hot or is super cool. I mean I get it, it might be hot to think about or whatever, but would still feel betrayed. I agree if I was married and this happened, it might be easier to get over that another man, not sure why. But I would still be questioning getting a divorce either way.
  • Originally posted by: ZombieGuyGeezus

    I just figured everyone is going to cheat sometime. I tell em just make sure I don't find out about it and use protection.





    I'm the total opposite, I'm one to say "If you're ever going to cheat on me, give me a heads up before you do so we can break up first and skip the drama."

    I'd much prefer just having a clean break prior as oppose to all the guilt, lies, and back stabbery after the fact. Plus if someone wants to cheat on me then that person isn't someone I'd want to be with out of self respect. It would make for an easy breakup. I want someone who really cares about me, ya dig?

    I've personally never cheated because I've always broken up before things got that far. Man, just writing that actually makes me feel like an asshole...
  • Even if there was a broken promise of exclusivity, is that unforgivable? (assuming the partner is seeking to reconcile?) I guess you have to determine whether you believe your partner will be likely to keep such a promise in the future.
  • Originally posted by: SDoren

    Originally posted by: ZombieGuyGeezus

    I just figured everyone is going to cheat sometime. I tell em just make sure I don't find out about it and use protection.





    I'm the total opposite, I'm one to say "If you're ever going to cheat on me, give me a heads up before you do so we can break up first and skip the drama."

    I'd much prefer just having a clean break prior as oppose to all the guilt, lies, and back stabbery after the fact. Plus if someone wants to cheat on me then that person isn't someone I'd want to be with out of self respect. It would make for an easy breakup. I want someone who really cares about me, ya dig?

    I've personally never cheated because I've always broken up before things got that far. Man, just writing that actually makes me feel like an asshole...





    It's not being an asshole at all though... I think you'd feel more like an asshole if you did the opposite.
  • I'm gone. You can have unattached sexual encounters with either gender. One is not inherently different than the other. As others have already said, once you lose my trust, you've lost it forever.
  • Man, woman, sentient android... cheating is cheating. Willfully breaking a commitment is what makes a particular act "cheating". Some people have an open relationship, others don't. Some relationships are polyamorous, and there's nothing wrong with that either. However, to accept deception in one instance and not the other (gender being the only mitigating factor) is only a reflection of individual insecurities and a monogamous sense of competition. Granted, many of those insecurities are engrained in the psyche by society during childhood in the name of social conformity, but they also define many gender-based assumptions in our culture throughout our adult lives.
  • I'd say, well you got to have sex with her, does that mean I can too? I would imagine an immediate no, and it would be over. If she expects me to trust her after that, but wouldn't trust me for doing the same thing, that's that.
  • I guess i just dont see the problem. I would hope to be included though.
  • Originally posted by: Redneck_RN



    It's not being an asshole at all though... I think you'd feel more like an asshole if you did the opposite.





    I know, I know. But I'm just thinking about how much it sucks when your feelings are gone for someone, but they're still smitten over you, and in their head everything is fine and dandy. But then a few days later they get hit with a bombshell and to them it's just *BAM* - relationship - "game over" - out of nowhere. It's hard to not seem a little assholish in that situation, although definitely much less than being a cheater.
  • Pff, are you kidding? I'd join in on the fun  



    In all seriousness though, while I'm probably in the minority here, if they were both VERY drunk (Like nearly vomiting and having a massive headache the next day drunk) then I'd probably forgive both of them, alcohol can do some messed up stuff to your brain if you drink too much, I'd just tell her to not drink that much ever again when there's another person involved, but if that started happening after only a couple of drinks, I'd be out. Anyways, for the most part, yes, cheating is indeed cheating.
  • Obviously Jack wasn't layin the dick down good enough if Jill is gonna cheat on him with another chick.
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