Having to pick a side and don't want to
Hi everyone, for the past couple of months I have been dealing with a personal issue. I am in a relationship with a great girl for arround 4 months now, but she and my best friend really don't get along. In fact, they really hate each other and constantly attack each other with negativity. It is not even the first time this friend of mine attacks other people that I spend time with were he isn't a part of. As some as you might already know, I had to repeat a grade this year and in the process Iost a lot of contact with my friends. Fortunately, I have made a lot of new ones (all female for some reason, which a lot of people find odd, and one is actually my GF, so she is part of the same group) but I really like spending time with both my old friends and my new ones, but this friend of mine is constantly speaking out his hate for them and saying that I neglect him and the others. So I am a bit forced to pick a side here, but I really don't want to. Does anybody has some good advise on what to do?
Thanks in advance
Thanks in advance
Comments
It's all up to you fella.
How long this persons been your friend?
Is the friend a girl ?
Nope it's a boy.
Plenty of time for new/better friends. I assume you are young. If that's the case..... plenty of time. Live life!
High school?!
Ditchem both fool and enjoy your life!
Stop stressing about this bullshit.
2-5 years? If that's it then fuckem' Get the chick!
Plenty of time for new/better friends. I assume you are young. If that's the case..... plenty of time. Live life!
Haha as you say it it seems really easy and self-explanatory but I highly doubt it is.
Oh bawlz!
High school?!
Ditchem both fool and enjoy your life!
Stop stressing about this bullshit.
Jup I am only 17 at this moment and she is 16 so that is pretty young, you guessed correctly.
An adult will never convince a kid how to do things though. So good luck.
I'm out.
Even if you have to cut off both, do what's right. Do what makes YOU happy.
Seriously though, if your friend can't be happy for you in your relationship then you do not need a friend like that in your life, trust me. On the other hand, if you are needing to even ask this question at all, when it is between a friend and a partner, then you need to look at your relationship and ask yourself how much she means to you. Your partner should always trump a friend, imo, and if she doesn't then maybe there's a reason why...
Of course, if your partner is like this with ALL your friends, then that in itself is a totally different problem! Once people start becoming super possessive and needy in a relationship, that is BIG trouble too!
1. You need to focus on school, or you're gonna f yourself hard.
2. Neither this obviously shitty, dramatic friend nor your current girlfriend will be a part of your life in 5 years.
3 (Conclusion): Screw them both, and all your current friends who bring you any unwarranted stress. Take control of your life, buckle down and study. Study hard. Make it your goddamn mission.
Focus on becoming successful, and the friends and girlfriends will be knocking down your door.
Success in your case would obviously be finishing school with no more lost time, and actually making up for the time you lost having to repeat a grade.
And yeah, I know you won't listen to me or anyone else here telling you this. So good luck, sincerely. Remember those who tried to help you when you're older and wiser.
Take control of your life, buckle down and study. Study hard. Make it your goddamn mission.
Focus on becoming successful, and the friends and girlfriends will be knocking down your door.
Success in your case would obviously be finishing school with no more lost time, and actually making up for the time you lost having to repeat a grade.
This^ is spot on.
If a "friend" gives you an ultimatum on who you should like, they're not really your friend. If both friends (or friend and gf, or what ever the scenario is) are cool in your eyes, and they're cool to you, what's the problem? So what if they don't like each other, that's on them. You do you.
Hey Daan, here's the deal:
1. You need to focus on school, or you're gonna f yourself hard.
2. Neither this obviously shitty, dramatic friend nor your current girlfriend will be a part of your life in 5 years.
3 (Conclusion): Screw them both, and all your current friends who bring you any unwarranted stress. Take control of your life, buckle down and study. Study hard. Make it your goddamn mission.
Focus on becoming successful, and the friends and girlfriends will be knocking down your door.
Success in your case would obviously be finishing school with no more lost time, and actually making up for the time you lost having to repeat a grade.
And yeah, I know you won't listen to me or anyone else here telling you this. So good luck, sincerely. Remember those who tried to help you when you're older and wiser.
1)Definitely.
2)Not necessarily, but seems likely.
3)Yes.
Very good advice, I second.
Oh bawlz!
High school?!
Ditchem both fool and enjoy your life!
Stop stressing about this bullshit.
My thoughts exactly.
2. Neither this obviously shitty, dramatic friend nor your current girlfriend will be a part of your life in 5 years.
This is very likely true.
You are going to come to regret any time you waste worrying about the opinions of either of these people.
, , I had to repeat a but I really like spending time with both my old friends and m, but this friend of mine is constantly speaking out his hate for them and saying that I neglect him and the others.
Your buddy is a cunt. You try to spend time with your old friends, but complains that you dont? With the quote above id say screw the guy because you dont need that negitivity. Another thing to consider is these new friends are also in your current grade while the old ones are in the one above you. I think it would be more valueable to stay friends with people in your current grade
I can't tell you what to do in your case. But you should evaluate what it means if your friend and girlfriend can't treat the people you care about well.
Thanks for the Secret Santa Game Boy games you sent me btw. I'm playing one right now.
If people have a problem with who you're friends with/who you're dating, it's time to replace those friends.
Frankly, the decisions to be made here are too complex for a high schooler to make and come out completely unscathed.
A) Ditch the friend: You've now lost a long-time friend (long-time being relative to your current lived lifespan).
C) Ditch both: All of the above.
D) Ditch neither: Toxicity will surround your life until one of the above decisions is made FOR you.
E) Talk it out: The adult decision; frankly one of the three people involved will almost guaranteed not be mentally capable enough to move beyond this, making this by far the most difficult choice to make.
Honestly, these are at a high level the choices you have in front of you. People tend to give advice based on personal experience, and given their own timeframe. I'm 30, so 2 years is starting to sound like a drop in the pond; it's easy for us adults to forget that at 16 2 years was a LONG time. Time is relative and none of this will be easy, but that's what's important here - you need to make decisions and learn from them. These tough choices are what will make you YOU as a person in the long run. Does that mean you need to fine-tooth comb everything in life and always come to the right answer? NO! You need to make mistakes, this is how you will learn. NONE of the options available to you are great, and that's ok - you will live through it, and you will learn what is important to you.
Further, note that my "B" option above is exaggerated - Obviously boobs isn't all a GF supplies. Emotional support is very important!
Make the decision that FEELS right to YOU. When there is no right answer, there is also no wrong answer.
Well from what I'm reading, the common denominator for the stress is your friend being all jelly for whatever reason. I would encourage you to talk to him man to man as a friend but be honest that he needs to chill out or kick rocks. Real friends embrace all this girlfriend group friends shit, if he's jelly of some girlfriend of yours he needs to upgrade from panties to boxers.
Or find someone else's panties to get ahold of.
And you mentioned this situation is complicated. No, it really isn't, it just seems that way to you. As others have said, all the BS you're dealing with now friend and girlfriend-wise fades away a few years after high school ends.
I don't talk to my "best friend" from middle/high school at all any more. I do have several friends that I have been friends with for 25+ years that I am pretty tight with.
...this hobby has its share of adult children after all...
I echo the sentiment of many others here. Specifically about the notion that odds-are, these people will be in your rear-view mirror in 5 years. Trust me, you don't want to wake up at 30 and realize you wasted your youth worrying about and dealing with stupid shit.