I need some family advice

Taco!

So today is gearing up to be a craptastic day. While pouring a cup of coffee I get the news that my step dad's dog suffered a stroke and they had to put him down this morning. He's a wreck because of it and has PTSD and various other mental conditions normally on top of that. Not to mention the other 2 pets (we have one black cat left) have both died this year about 2-3 months apart from one another. Needless to say he's flipped out in every sense of the word, cursing deities and the full 9.

Now, it's going to sound terrible but I'm very emotionally 'detached' from situations like this. I buried the 2 pets this year that passed because he didn't have the nerve. I might be less than half his age but he's in the teen years mentally from a near death fall on a job site in the 80s. I feel rather obligated to say or do something to comfort him regardless of our past exchanges. I've never owned a pet besides a fish and I can't put myself in his shoes.

Any advice is appreciated. I just don't know what to do. My mom is heart broken since he is and by proxy I'm upset. Please keep in mind that I can't get him another pet as it's just avoiding the underlying problem of dealing with death. Thanks.

GameBoyScotty

Wait 2 weeks....get him a puppy. If only it were that easy with people. Good luck, and condolences.

Nightowljrm

Hm. Well, first it's important to know that people need to make and effort and want to be comforted or helped in order to be comforted or helped. If they want to be miserable, that's their decision, and you can do nothing to change it. That being said, it's also important to note that, as cliche as it is, pets are family. I'll give you two different examples that may help your understanding.



One day, to kill some time, my family went to Pets Smart. While we were there, I walked by the cat adoption area (because I LOVE cats) and immediately, I saw this adorable all-black cat. Her nose was black, her paws were black, there was nothing exterior besides her eyes that wasn't black, which I found beautiful. To make her even more gorgeous, she had some of the silkiest fur. I walked up and put my hand on the glass. She matched my hand with her paw - instantly I felt a connection. We went home, I sold about 30 Gamecube games, and I was able to purchase her. I named her Sahara and we were instantly inseparable, just like kids and their pets on cartoons. Since she was my cat, she was my responsibility, which I gladly took on. I took EXTREMELY good care of her. And since she was all black, I didn't let her outside at night; and whenever she was out during the day, I was with her. Well, one night on Christmas eve I was at a party with some friends, and without my permission, my parents let Sahara outside. On my way home I got a phone call that she had been struck by a car and killed. Obviously, I was devastated and beyond pissed at my parents for violating the way I took care of her and, basically, their overall lack of common sense. She was more than a pet, she was a friend and companion, a family member. To this day I still feel a hint of sadness every Christmas - I still miss my baby girl.



On the same note, about a year later, my dad brought home a Siamese boy cat who we later named Samson. Again, the same scenario arose - he and I became inseparable. He rides on my shoulders when I walk through the house, always lies down and sleeps with me, only lets me hold him, watches me play video games (that's pretty funny, especially when he does the typical cat thing and swats at the moving sprites), etc. Again, almost like cartoon characters and their pets. Well, since my college doesn't allow pets in the dorms, he's at home, and I miss him. It feels great every time I go home and see him.



Pets are family and companions. Some people really feel connections with them, almost as if they can confide in them when no one else will listen. That sort of thing. So it's a traumatic experience when they pass away - especially back to back like that. The death of a pet can leave some people almost as scarred as the death of a family member (I say almost because humans gain precedence over any animal). It leaves a hole. At least for a long while.



With all that said, its important to keep in mind that they're family. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is once he's done with initial grieving (because let's face it, he'll be wrecked for at least three days or so if he's anything like me), take him out to his favorite place to eat, and spend some family time with him doing what he enjoys best. That's a good way to take his mind off things. Whenever he talks about his pet(s), talk about them, too, but of the good memories and with some uplifting comments thrown in there. Don't focus on the death(s), and if he does, steer the conversation in another direction. I know, easier said than done, but that's what I would've wanted when Sahara died. Healthy distractions are good in the latter parts of grieving.



As for buying a new puppy, I would wait until the grieving process is done, because; as you said, the underlying problem of dealing with death should be addressed. I would also wait until he realizes that having a pet should be an enhancing supplement of life, not required for life like people are. In growing appreciation for his loved ones, he should start to feel better about the loss of his pet.



That's all I've got. I'm no psychologist, but I do have experience with such tragedies. Take it easy.

spoonman

Sorry to hear that.

As long as you just let him know you are there to talk and tell him you're sorry that should be some comfort to him.



As far as being emotionally detached it would probably be similar to losing a family member.

To many pet lovers their pets are their family and it can be devastating.



Best wishes to your step dad and you as well.