Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high. />
Edit: Porn CAN BE considered an addiction like any other behavior or substance a person uses compulsively and/or excessively. Some people's brains are wired to be susceptible to addiction and other's aren't. So it can be a problem for some people if it's not an issue for others.
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Exactly (post edited cuz it didn't show up at first)
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Wives can take issue with any number of activities. Some of them might not be addictions or harmful behavior. She might not want you to spend all your time and money helping out your single mom sister and her kids. She might not want you to have a motorcycle. She might not care for your religion and the obligation that go along with it.
If my wife told me I had to stop collecting videogames or we would get divorced then we would get divorced. I've been collecting seriously for 20 years now. It would be hard to stop because it is part of my life now. It is what I enjoy doing. If it came down to that then I would say we were incompatible and should I choose to start a new relationship then I will have to find someone accepting of my behavior. No shame in admitting that.
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Wives can take issue with any number of activities. Some of them might not be addictions or harmful behavior. She might not want you to spend all your time and money helping out your single mom sister and her kids. She might not want you to have a motorcycle. She might not care for your religion and the obligation that go along with it.
If my wife told me I had to stop collecting videogames or we would get divorced then we would get divorced. I've been collecting seriously for 20 years now. It would be hard to stop because it is part of my life now. It is what I enjoy doing. If it came down to that then I would say we were incompatible and should I choose to start a new relationship then I will have to find someone accepting of my behavior. No shame in admitting that.
While wives CAN take issue with any number of activities, an activity that causes the wife to feel degraded, neglected, taken for granted, objectified, etc., is cause for discussion between the spouses and possibly with a counselor. Comparing caregiving of family members in need, having a motorcycle, or your religion to watching porn doesn't seem like an even comparison to me. I could understand buying something expensive because there is a financial component, but helping family members or religion seems like things that should have been discussed prior to being in a relationship with that person.
I'm guessing that your wife (if you are married) would not ask you to sell your collection or she would divorce you unless it was causing bigger issues that permeated the rest of life and your marriage. The fact that you would choose your game collection over your marriage makes me feel like you don't have a high value of marriage in your life, which is a bummer. With any issue in a relationship, there is usually a deeper issue or unmet need. Communication problems perpetuate this. Addictive behaviors are coping mechanisms to deeper issues rather than standalone problems.
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Wives can take issue with any number of activities. Some of them might not be addictions or harmful behavior. She might not want you to spend all your time and money helping out your single mom sister and her kids. She might not want you to have a motorcycle. She might not care for your religion and the obligation that go along with it.
If my wife told me I had to stop collecting videogames or we would get divorced then we would get divorced. I've been collecting seriously for 20 years now. It would be hard to stop because it is part of my life now. It is what I enjoy doing. If it came down to that then I would say we were incompatible and should I choose to start a new relationship then I will have to find someone accepting of my behavior. No shame in admitting that.
While wives CAN take issue with any number of activities, an activity that causes the wife to feel degraded, neglected, taken for granted, objectified, etc., is cause for discussion between the spouses and possibly with a counselor. Comparing caregiving of family members in need, having a motorcycle, or your religion to watching porn doesn't seem like an even comparison to me. I could understand buying something expensive because there is a financial component, but helping family members or religion seems like things that should have been discussed prior to being in a relationship with that person.
I'm guessing that your wife (if you are married) would not ask you to sell your collection or she would divorce you unless it was causing bigger issues that permeated the rest of life and your marriage. The fact that you would choose your game collection over your marriage makes me feel like you don't have a high value of marriage in your life, which is a bummer. With any issue in a relationship, there is usually a deeper issue or unmet need. Communication problems perpetuate this. Addictive behaviors are coping mechanisms to deeper issues rather than standalone problems.
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I'm glad your wife accepts you for you and you accept her for her. If that is how your marrige works then more power to you! The only right way to do marriage is consensually between the two people who are married with transparency in their communication and desires. If one spouse values the marriage more than a certain aspect about themselves, they usually desire to or try to change FOR their spouse. If they change BECAUSE of their spouse, there's probably a deeper issue at hand.
I didn't get the feeling that he was shaming himself, but rather accepting the situation in life. My point with the dialogue was that I don't get the feeling that you think that pornography CAN be an addiction but rather just a behavior that many people do that others seem to have an irrational issue with. That's like saying that you don't understand why drinking a few beers is a problem for an alcoholic or why playing a quick hand of poker is an issue for a person with a gambling addiction. All of these things, including pornography, are socially acceptable for most people, but for some it becomes difficult to quit when they engage in the behavior compulsively. The "To each his own" phrase comes to mind with what people use/do for coping strategies. Either way, we should be supportive of everyone who is struggling regardless of our own biases and beliefs.
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I'm glad your wife accepts you for you and you accept her for her. If that is how your marrige works then more power to you! The only right way to do marriage is consensually between the two people who are married with transparency in their communication and desires. If one spouse values the marriage more than a certain aspect about themselves, they usually desire to or try to change FOR their spouse. If they change BECAUSE of their spouse, there's probably a deeper issue at hand.
I didn't get the feeling that he was shaming himself, but rather accepting the situation in life. My point with the dialogue was that I don't get the feeling that you think that pornography CAN be an addiction but rather just a behavior that many people do that others seem to have an irrational issue with. That's like saying that you don't understand why drinking a few beers is a problem for an alcoholic or why playing a quick hand of poker is an issue for a person with a gambling addiction. All of these things, including pornography, are socially acceptable for most people, but for some it becomes difficult to quit when they engage in the behavior compulsively. The "To each his own" phrase comes to mind with what people use/do for coping strategies. Either way, we should be supportive of everyone who is struggling regardless of our own biases and beliefs.
As said befoe the effects of drinking and gambling outlast the act. No one has a problem with you drinking they only have a problem with you being drunk. No one has a problem with you gambling they have a problem when you cash your kid's college fund to pay for it. With porn there is just the act itself. Unless there is more to this story which there could very well be some of this blame lies with both parties in the relationship.
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I'm glad your wife accepts you for you and you accept her for her. If that is how your marrige works then more power to you! The only right way to do marriage is consensually between the two people who are married with transparency in their communication and desires. If one spouse values the marriage more than a certain aspect about themselves, they usually desire to or try to change FOR their spouse. If they change BECAUSE of their spouse, there's probably a deeper issue at hand.
I didn't get the feeling that he was shaming himself, but rather accepting the situation in life. My point with the dialogue was that I don't get the feeling that you think that pornography CAN be an addiction but rather just a behavior that many people do that others seem to have an irrational issue with. That's like saying that you don't understand why drinking a few beers is a problem for an alcoholic or why playing a quick hand of poker is an issue for a person with a gambling addiction. All of these things, including pornography, are socially acceptable for most people, but for some it becomes difficult to quit when they engage in the behavior compulsively. The "To each his own" phrase comes to mind with what people use/do for coping strategies. Either way, we should be supportive of everyone who is struggling regardless of our own biases and beliefs.
Unless there is more to this story which there could very well be some of this blame lies with both parties in the relationship.
Yeah I haven't chimed in because my opinion is that nothing is ever as simple as "she left because of porn" even if that's what she's telling him.
Keep your head up OP. More fish in the sea. Good luck to you sir.
i didn't read anything at all except what bronty said. it made me laugh at work. regardless of what happened, if someone left you because of porn, she probably wasn't good enough in bed for you to want in your life anyway. good riddance!
i didn't read anything at all except what bronty said. it made me laugh at work. regardless of what happened, if someone left you because of porn, she probably wasn't good enough in bed for you to want in your life anyway. good riddance!
Hahahahaha it takes a porn thread to get my boy Seth to Rise from the Grave and post for first time in years on NA!
just bc no one brough this up (i think), additiction is loosly defined as any habitual action that negatively impacts a persons life. So while before a person watched a tonage of porn, went to work and had functional relationships, the moment that behavior of watching the porn started to negatively impact the persons life (like relationship strain) it becomes an addiction from which the person has the decision to break the pattern or continue.
So like say bayatari2 smoked 100 joints a day but runs a successful business and had healthy relationships with his SO and family/friends, most people wouldnt classify that as an addiciton even if hes physicially dependant on the 100 jays a day.
I'd say, porn goes right into sex and love addiction. OP if you havent heard of S&LA (sex and love addicts annoymus) check it out. Or if anyone is interested, check it out. Love is an interesting addiciton and is a pretty interesting read.
just bc no one brough this up (i think), additiction is loosly defined as any habitual action that negatively impacts a persons life. So while before a person watched a tonage of porn, went to work and had functional relationships, the moment that behavior of watching the porn started to negatively impact the persons life (like relationship strain) it becomes an addiction from which the person has the decision to break the pattern or continue.
So like say bayatari2 smoked 100 joints a day but runs a successful business and had healthy relationships with his SO and family/friends, most people wouldnt classify that as an addiciton even if hes physicially dependant on the 100 jays a day.
I'd say, porn goes right into sex and love addiction. OP if you havent heard of S&LA (sex and love addicts annoymus) check it out. Or if anyone is interested, check it out. Love is an interesting addiciton and is a pretty interesting read.
By your definition the OP is cured the moment he gets divorced.
I just resent all the hetrosexual man is evil PC bullshit. If he dressed up in his wives underwear and wanted to have his junk cut off then she not he would be at fault for not understanding who he really he is. He would be better off finding someone who understood him and could connect with his true inner being. He would be brave for showing his true self. However you look at some straight porn and you are the sick bad guy who needs help and has to see a counselor. fuck that.
Men have a sex drive. We tell dirty jokes when no one is looking and we look at naked women. Nothing wrong with men being men. Not an addiction because someone else can't deal with it because of their own insecurities.
That is all I want to say and I've derailed this thread long enough. OP I'm in your corner. Good luck with all your auctions and even better luck finding someone who can accept you exactly the way you are.
Comments
I used to think the same thing
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
All jokes aside goodluck in your sales hope they do well.
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
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Edit: Porn CAN BE considered an addiction like any other behavior or substance a person uses compulsively and/or excessively. Some people's brains are wired to be susceptible to addiction and other's aren't. So it can be a problem for some people if it's not an issue for others.
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Exactly (post edited cuz it didn't show up at first)
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Wives can take issue with any number of activities. Some of them might not be addictions or harmful behavior. She might not want you to spend all your time and money helping out your single mom sister and her kids. She might not want you to have a motorcycle. She might not care for your religion and the obligation that go along with it.
If my wife told me I had to stop collecting videogames or we would get divorced then we would get divorced. I've been collecting seriously for 20 years now. It would be hard to stop because it is part of my life now. It is what I enjoy doing. If it came down to that then I would say we were incompatible and should I choose to start a new relationship then I will have to find someone accepting of my behavior. No shame in admitting that.
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Wives can take issue with any number of activities. Some of them might not be addictions or harmful behavior. She might not want you to spend all your time and money helping out your single mom sister and her kids. She might not want you to have a motorcycle. She might not care for your religion and the obligation that go along with it.
If my wife told me I had to stop collecting videogames or we would get divorced then we would get divorced. I've been collecting seriously for 20 years now. It would be hard to stop because it is part of my life now. It is what I enjoy doing. If it came down to that then I would say we were incompatible and should I choose to start a new relationship then I will have to find someone accepting of my behavior. No shame in admitting that.
While wives CAN take issue with any number of activities, an activity that causes the wife to feel degraded, neglected, taken for granted, objectified, etc., is cause for discussion between the spouses and possibly with a counselor. Comparing caregiving of family members in need, having a motorcycle, or your religion to watching porn doesn't seem like an even comparison to me. I could understand buying something expensive because there is a financial component, but helping family members or religion seems like things that should have been discussed prior to being in a relationship with that person.
I'm guessing that your wife (if you are married) would not ask you to sell your collection or she would divorce you unless it was causing bigger issues that permeated the rest of life and your marriage. The fact that you would choose your game collection over your marriage makes me feel like you don't have a high value of marriage in your life, which is a bummer. With any issue in a relationship, there is usually a deeper issue or unmet need. Communication problems perpetuate this. Addictive behaviors are coping mechanisms to deeper issues rather than standalone problems.
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: JosephLeo
Porn addiction is real. Almost lost my wife because it too, I'm sorry to see you couldn't catch yourself in time but relationships can be patched and issues can be solved.
Get help, from one former addict to a future nonaddict.
R
I dont think I'm alone here but I don't get it. Drugs killing a relationship I can understand but how can porn have such an impact? Porn stars manage to form relationships and they live it. Even if you viewed porn a few hours a day each and every day you can still function as normal person. I mean do you skip work and watch porn for 24 hours straight? Porn on the internet is free. If there was ever an addiction that I'd call harmless it would be this one. I really don't understand.
Pornography is considered an addiction under the behavioral addiction category in psychology gibberish. Any addiction focuses on the mesolimbic dopamine reward system in which behavioral conditioning paired with memory of pleasurable experiences produces a small amount of dopamine in the brain which is the "tempation." Once the behavior is engaged in, the brain releases more dopamine as a reward. This cycle is then repeated over and over, which can lead to a full-fledged addiction. When there is no more activity or the brain has developed a higher threshhold of handling higher levels of brain chemicals, the desire to re-engage in the activity occurs, hence the addiction part. Substances that are normally regarded as addictive basically block receptors in the brain so that it gets "high" on its own chemicals rather than you getting high on the actual drug. With behavioral addictions like gambling, excessive gaming addiction, shopping, or pornography, the act itself is what triggers the brain into the nostalgic high.
The other addictions that you refer to all have huge side effects. The effects of taking drugs, gambling all your money away, and drinking and driving last longer than the act itself. Porn doesn't. Unlike those other additions you can still function as you did before you viewed porn and it's free. I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation but is this just a case of a wives who are intolerant to any such activity?
The OP losing his wife IS the side effect of this addiction. If your wife doesn't want you engaging in this activity or any other activity, the consequence could be her leaving. Saying there is an intolerance on a wife's part insinuates that the issue is about her acceptance of your behavior rather than you stopping a behavior that makes her feel uncomfortable, essentially passing the blame onto another, which is a symptom of codependency within the addictive cycle. The person struggling passes the buck so they can justify continued use or behaviors.
Wives can take issue with any number of activities. Some of them might not be addictions or harmful behavior. She might not want you to spend all your time and money helping out your single mom sister and her kids. She might not want you to have a motorcycle. She might not care for your religion and the obligation that go along with it.
If my wife told me I had to stop collecting videogames or we would get divorced then we would get divorced. I've been collecting seriously for 20 years now. It would be hard to stop because it is part of my life now. It is what I enjoy doing. If it came down to that then I would say we were incompatible and should I choose to start a new relationship then I will have to find someone accepting of my behavior. No shame in admitting that.
While wives CAN take issue with any number of activities, an activity that causes the wife to feel degraded, neglected, taken for granted, objectified, etc., is cause for discussion between the spouses and possibly with a counselor. Comparing caregiving of family members in need, having a motorcycle, or your religion to watching porn doesn't seem like an even comparison to me. I could understand buying something expensive because there is a financial component, but helping family members or religion seems like things that should have been discussed prior to being in a relationship with that person.
I'm guessing that your wife (if you are married) would not ask you to sell your collection or she would divorce you unless it was causing bigger issues that permeated the rest of life and your marriage. The fact that you would choose your game collection over your marriage makes me feel like you don't have a high value of marriage in your life, which is a bummer. With any issue in a relationship, there is usually a deeper issue or unmet need. Communication problems perpetuate this. Addictive behaviors are coping mechanisms to deeper issues rather than standalone problems.
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
Originally posted by: buyatari2
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I'm glad your wife accepts you for you and you accept her for her. If that is how your marrige works then more power to you! The only right way to do marriage is consensually between the two people who are married with transparency in their communication and desires. If one spouse values the marriage more than a certain aspect about themselves, they usually desire to or try to change FOR their spouse. If they change BECAUSE of their spouse, there's probably a deeper issue at hand.
I didn't get the feeling that he was shaming himself, but rather accepting the situation in life. My point with the dialogue was that I don't get the feeling that you think that pornography CAN be an addiction but rather just a behavior that many people do that others seem to have an irrational issue with. That's like saying that you don't understand why drinking a few beers is a problem for an alcoholic or why playing a quick hand of poker is an issue for a person with a gambling addiction. All of these things, including pornography, are socially acceptable for most people, but for some it becomes difficult to quit when they engage in the behavior compulsively. The "To each his own" phrase comes to mind with what people use/do for coping strategies. Either way, we should be supportive of everyone who is struggling regardless of our own biases and beliefs.
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I'm glad your wife accepts you for you and you accept her for her. If that is how your marrige works then more power to you! The only right way to do marriage is consensually between the two people who are married with transparency in their communication and desires. If one spouse values the marriage more than a certain aspect about themselves, they usually desire to or try to change FOR their spouse. If they change BECAUSE of their spouse, there's probably a deeper issue at hand.
I didn't get the feeling that he was shaming himself, but rather accepting the situation in life. My point with the dialogue was that I don't get the feeling that you think that pornography CAN be an addiction but rather just a behavior that many people do that others seem to have an irrational issue with. That's like saying that you don't understand why drinking a few beers is a problem for an alcoholic or why playing a quick hand of poker is an issue for a person with a gambling addiction. All of these things, including pornography, are socially acceptable for most people, but for some it becomes difficult to quit when they engage in the behavior compulsively. The "To each his own" phrase comes to mind with what people use/do for coping strategies. Either way, we should be supportive of everyone who is struggling regardless of our own biases and beliefs.
As said befoe the effects of drinking and gambling outlast the act. No one has a problem with you drinking they only have a problem with you being drunk. No one has a problem with you gambling they have a problem when you cash your kid's college fund to pay for it. With porn there is just the act itself. Unless there is more to this story which there could very well be some of this blame lies with both parties in the relationship.
Sorry for the ranting OP!
Originally posted by: buyatari2
Originally posted by: theirontoupee
Originally posted by: buyatari2
I am who I am and my collection is a very core element of who I am. If she can't accept me for who I am then we shouldn't be married. She does and I her and so we are.
The fact is this guy IS getting divorced. If the only downfall was the cost of his previous relationship then there is no point to shame himself or change the behavior now. Amazing these days that viewing porn is still an unacceptable behavior by some just as others which were once less acceptable are going mainstream acceptance. What if he wanted to wear women's clothes, have a sex change, had a prior homosexual experience or sometimes had homosexual thoughts and his wife divorced him for it? No matter how the wife felt about any of those things should he seek help to cure himself himself then or should he accept himself for who he is?
Unless there is more to this story I say keep your head up man. There are plenty of women out there who won't be bothered by you looking at porn and you shouldn't shame yourself for it. You aren't a bad or dirty person and if we took a poll here at NA the ones who didn't look at porn would be the vast minority.
I'm glad your wife accepts you for you and you accept her for her. If that is how your marrige works then more power to you! The only right way to do marriage is consensually between the two people who are married with transparency in their communication and desires. If one spouse values the marriage more than a certain aspect about themselves, they usually desire to or try to change FOR their spouse. If they change BECAUSE of their spouse, there's probably a deeper issue at hand.
I didn't get the feeling that he was shaming himself, but rather accepting the situation in life. My point with the dialogue was that I don't get the feeling that you think that pornography CAN be an addiction but rather just a behavior that many people do that others seem to have an irrational issue with. That's like saying that you don't understand why drinking a few beers is a problem for an alcoholic or why playing a quick hand of poker is an issue for a person with a gambling addiction. All of these things, including pornography, are socially acceptable for most people, but for some it becomes difficult to quit when they engage in the behavior compulsively. The "To each his own" phrase comes to mind with what people use/do for coping strategies. Either way, we should be supportive of everyone who is struggling regardless of our own biases and beliefs.
Unless there is more to this story which there could very well be some of this blame lies with both parties in the relationship.
Yeah I haven't chimed in because my opinion is that nothing is ever as simple as "she left because of porn" even if that's what she's telling him.
Keep your head up OP. More fish in the sea. Good luck to you sir.
Originally posted by: srh201
i didn't read anything at all except what bronty said. it made me laugh at work. regardless of what happened, if someone left you because of porn, she probably wasn't good enough in bed for you to want in your life anyway. good riddance!
Hahahahaha it takes a porn thread to get my boy Seth to Rise from the Grave and post for first time in years on NA!
Originally posted by: srh201
fyi "drug czar" is freakin awesome!
Concept art is porn for Videogame collectors.
So like say bayatari2 smoked 100 joints a day but runs a successful business and had healthy relationships with his SO and family/friends, most people wouldnt classify that as an addiciton even if hes physicially dependant on the 100 jays a day.
I'd say, porn goes right into sex and love addiction. OP if you havent heard of S&LA (sex and love addicts annoymus) check it out. Or if anyone is interested, check it out. Love is an interesting addiciton and is a pretty interesting read.
Originally posted by: RegularGuyGamer
just bc no one brough this up (i think), additiction is loosly defined as any habitual action that negatively impacts a persons life. So while before a person watched a tonage of porn, went to work and had functional relationships, the moment that behavior of watching the porn started to negatively impact the persons life (like relationship strain) it becomes an addiction from which the person has the decision to break the pattern or continue.
So like say bayatari2 smoked 100 joints a day but runs a successful business and had healthy relationships with his SO and family/friends, most people wouldnt classify that as an addiciton even if hes physicially dependant on the 100 jays a day.
I'd say, porn goes right into sex and love addiction. OP if you havent heard of S&LA (sex and love addicts annoymus) check it out. Or if anyone is interested, check it out. Love is an interesting addiciton and is a pretty interesting read.
By your definition the OP is cured the moment he gets divorced.
I just resent all the hetrosexual man is evil PC bullshit. If he dressed up in his wives underwear and wanted to have his junk cut off then she not he would be at fault for not understanding who he really he is. He would be better off finding someone who understood him and could connect with his true inner being. He would be brave for showing his true self. However you look at some straight porn and you are the sick bad guy who needs help and has to see a counselor. fuck that.
Men have a sex drive. We tell dirty jokes when no one is looking and we look at naked women. Nothing wrong with men being men. Not an addiction because someone else can't deal with it because of their own insecurities.
That is all I want to say and I've derailed this thread long enough. OP I'm in your corner. Good luck with all your auctions and even better luck finding someone who can accept you exactly the way you are.